Jack Handey, former Saturday Night Live writer and humorist behind Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey, embarks on a tropical adventure in his first novel, The Stench of Honolulu. An absurd romp through the jungles of Handey’s Honolulu reveal a narrator more concerned with showing up his friend Don and lei-ing their native guide Leilani than with following the treasure map a mysterious old crone gave them when they landed. Handey’s straight-forward prose doesn’t rely on snark to entertain: his humor builds on the momentum of the journey, following Don and his inept friend as they encounter blow darts, pirates, and a mad scientist on the hunt for the fabled Golden Monkey.

In this selection, the narrator stumbles upon a village after staggering around the jungle alone, having tarred and feathered himself in a daze:

I followed the sound. The children saw me, screamed, and ran away through the gate of a native village. A village? I was saved! Or was I? I knew from the brochures that there were many native tribes in Hawaii. Some were peaceful, some were warlike. Some were friendly, some unfriendly. Some welcomed strangers, some didn’t. Some were helpful, other not that helpful. Some got right to the point while others droned on and on, making the same point over and over.

I decided to take a chance. I hadn’t eaten a decent meal in three days, hadn’t slept in two and couldn’t remember the last time I had defecated. Soon, I hoped, I would be doing all three.

Read more deep thoughts and other writings from Jack Handey here.